Sundays

Sundays...so many things about Sundays that I never used to enjoy. The end of my weekend. The return to routine. Sleeping late and then feeling like I had to race around all day just to get things done for the upcoming week. It used to take me the entire weekend to recuperate from a week's worth of working. Pretty sad, right? This time last year I had not made my choice to grab my life back. I weighed 319.6 pounds. I felt like crap. In all honesty I was an accident waiting to happen. A stroke or a heart attack sat lurking in the shadows.

Funny thing about me...when I am upset I cry in the shower. I cry there because dear sweet Shrek is certain that it is his sole responsibility to make me happy, to see to all my needs. I cry in the shower so he can't feel my pain. I dug the hole I crawled into with food. I taught myself to soothe my ego with Twinkies . If I was ever going to dig out of that food hole, I had to do for me, my way, by myself. Shrek couldn't do this for me.

Along came Jadi. She approached me last year about joining Weight Watchers. She has only ever known me overweight. She was interested in losing some lingering after baby weight and she had heard my gripes about my size and other concerns for awhile. I am sure that I paid her some lip service that I thought she wanted to hear. I had no intention of joining WW. I had gone that road before and after losing a generous amount of weight I always put back whatever I had struggled to lose and then some.

Along came Sunday. It was the last Sunday that free registration was being offered at WW until summer. The date, March 4, 2007. As I recall the evening before Jadi called me and asked me if I was going in the morning. Oh, she was calling my bluff! I hemmed. I hawed. I asked her to check online about meetings and times. I made the decision to go to the very first meeting the next day, Sunday, so I could go waste $12 and tell myself that I at least made the attempt at changing my life. I promised to pick her up...I sealed the deal. I would be there.

It was the Sunday that changed my life. I can't recall now what was said at that first meeting. I only remember that I left there thinking that this was the time. This time it would be different. I would be different. I left thinking that my possibilities were endless.

Sundays...so many things about Sundays that I enjoy. So many things to look forward to. I plan my weekends around Sundays now. If Shrek and I are going out Saturday night my first questions, "will I be able to get to my meeting in the morning? should I call Jadi and make alternate plans to go Monday?" Most every Sunday after I pick up Jadi, we travel to our neighborhood Dunkin' Donuts to secure the Elixir of the Gods before we journey down the street and go to our meeting. There are two very nice Albanian ladies that work at our coffee stop. Without fail every week they ask us if we will be having donuts with our "juice" and they can't help but break into big smiles for they already know the answer to their query, " no, thank you, way too many points ." Better luck next time...

At our meeting there are people I can't wait to see...not for the success or failure of their week but for their smiles and attitude and acceptance. I look forward to Sunday because of them. We are all on the same journey. They renew my soul and help me to stay on track so I can reach my goals. Sundays...

Following the Yellow Brick Road

Being on a weight loss journey is a lot like following the Yellow Brick Road. When I started out I was uncertain of my footing and not quite sure where the road would lead. What are the risks? Should I pack extra goodies or will the road provide for me? Do I have the Stuff to make it to the Emerald City...the Promised Land?


In The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and her pals emerge from the dark forest this little ditty plays"You're out of the woods, You're out of the dark, You're out of the night.Step into the sun, Step into the light.Keep straight ahead for the most glorious place On the Face of the Earth or the sky.Hold onto your breath, Hold onto your heart, Hold onto your hope.March up to the gate and bid it open. It is called the Optimistic Voices track. This song has been playing in my head ever since I started writing this blog. I am ready to march up to the gate...and bid it open.

It is okay to grasp the fate that awaits you. I work on my goals and myself everyday . I feel so much more alive than I have in a long, long time. I had an idea of improving my quality of life. I took that idea, I believed in myself and I joined WW. I have always tried to maintain an optimistic approach to losing weight. I have tried anger and negativity in my lifetime and all it has ever given me in return is misery times two.

Along my road I have met such wonderful and caring people. I have forged new friendships. I have grown as a human being; I am a better person from this experience. The trip has been worth every painful, exciting, tense,moment. I learned that I do have the Stuff to make the journey.

As of this posting I have lost 118.4 pounds. I no longer fight for breath. I have a giant selection of clothing stores I can now shop from. I fit in booths at restaurants. I have turned my life around for the better because I AM WORTH IT AND I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. Never stop believing in the person you are meant to be.

Hope is but a spark of a dream not yet realized. Guard this spark with care for it will become the Flame that lights your life.

The Lightness of Being

I know strange title,eh?


Every year Shrek and I have time off from work the week of Christmas. We don't do much except catch up on sleep and be married people, if you catch my drift. I think it is the best vacation we take together all year. This year I told Shrek that I wanted to take a week off from WW and the whole being good for a better me. When you go to WW they give you a free pass that you can use any time you need a break from the scale. I had my plan in place...


Starting with Christmas eve I was going to eat whatever I wanted when I wanted and as much of it as I wanted. When weigh-in loomed I would present my coupon for a free ride.The plan was to rejoin program completely guilt free and continue on my merry way to goal. Funny thing happened though. Christmas eve Shrek and I ventured out and secured our meals. In truth I ate everything I ordered just as planned. I hardly slept. I was so crappin' thirsty. My head hurt, my tummy hurt and I felt like I was in a fog. Weird, right?

We were up early for Christmas Day. I ate my regular WW breakfast. After coffee I went to pick up my dad. We, meaning Shrek and I and Dad, had a date with Shrek's mommy for dinner. We had a lovely meal of scalloped potatoes, peas, carrots, corn, ham and for dessert Jubilee Roll from Friendly's. All went well and the food was plentiful and filling. I must confess I ate a few things I shouldn't have but it was a holiday.

Our whole holiday was wrapped up before 5 pm. On our way home from my dad's place I told Shrek that I just didn't have the chops to eat all that crap food anymore. I didn't last a whole week at eating whatever I want, when I want, for as long as I want and I couldn't be happier.

I forgot just how bogged down overeating made me feel. My 28 hour excursion made me realize how much better off I am. I feel so energetic and happy when I eat what I am supposed to. I have been back on my WW program since Christmas night. I look forward to whatever comes next. I know my days as a Large Marge are numbered.

Merry Christmas ?

Funny as I sit here in my livingroom I can't belive that it will be Christmas in just two days. I went out yesterday with my dad. I started and finished my holiday shopping. Not something I would recommend by the way. All of the people in my life are at the stage of age where giftcards go so much farther than some silly gift. It is sad really. I like to know my gift receivers well enough that I can purchase them a cool, nobody else thought about that item. I enjoy being the "cool" gift giver.


I went to WW this morning. I am down 3.8 pounds this week for a grand total of 111.6 pounds. Today we talked about reflecting. How have we changed from this time last year. What have we learned about ourselves on this journey. What do we want for the future. All very good questions I think.


This time last year I weighed 325 pounds and I felt like my heart was going to explode,literally. I was depressed and often I felt hopeless. It is the truth. Human we all are. This Christmas I weigh 208 pounds. I have learned so much about myself. It is okay not to have the answer and ask for help. It is good to have friends that love and support you. I learned that I am truly lucky to have found Shrek and that he continues to love and support me come what may. I have learned that I am a force. I can lose weight,especially when I believe in me. I have learned that I enjoy exercise.


I have renewed faith in myself and hope for a bright future. I now feel confidence in myself and I am planning a vacation. One in which I will have to walk around to see the sites! I know I will make goal, someday.


I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a bright, hope filled New Year.

The Outskirts of Town

No doubt if you have been reading this blog or my other blog you have heard me mention "The Land Of Normal Sizes". I am at the gate just at the outskirts of town. Any time now the drawbridge will lower and the gate keeper will throw open the doors and welcome me in.

My quest has been long and dirty and fraught with danger. On more than a few occasions the road has become difficult and thoughts of abandoning my best efforts have plagued me. I think I now know how the lonely marathon runner feels at mile twenty-three way after everyone else has finished the race and even the TV guys have closed up shop. Where is that finish line? What was I thinking? How do I keep going? The answers come to me if I just reach for them. Stay the course. You can't get to town if you stop moving. Keep your goals in mind...food for your soul.

I am just an ordinary girl who had an extraordinary amount of weight to lose. I have no answers, really. I just know that I have no interest in returning to the "Land of Can't Move Out of My Own Way".

I am very fortunate. I have a WW buddy, Jadi. I would not have made it this far without her. Most every Sunday I drive from my house to shake my friend free from her abode, which is crowded with four wee-sized people and her boyfriend. I look forward to the hour-and-a-half we spend together. It is our time to slip away from the things that haunt us. The problems we can't resolve. We get coffee, we gossip, we laugh, we focus on ourselves for that glorious time.

The Holidays

It has taken me nearly all of my adult life to realize that holidays are not about THE FOOD. It is about the people in your life or the absence of those people. I used to gorge myself on the morsels of holiday fare foolishly thinking I would stumble across the "right" combination and I would feel satisfied, full. The happiness I have so long sought, I have always had. I just never realized it before. I mistakenly linked happiness of self with the food it is so often coupled with.

I remember my family life in those holiday foods. How loved I felt, how accepted and wanted I truly was. Sometimes in the process of growing up we forget the things we know about ourselves.

The holidays should be a time of catching up on lives, connecting with a loved one you haven't seen since the last high holidays, enjoying the people in your life even if they tend to get on your last nerve.

This year I am without my mother, sadly she passed away this summer. This year feels strange almost non-holiday like. My older sister has arrived from upstate NY and will be with dad and I but it's just not the same anymore...

Don't forget to tell them that you love them while they can still hear you. Get that hug before you leave. Make a memory to span the ages. Love them for who they are not what you want them to be...enjoy the moments they give you.

I wish you all the happiness of the holidays. May you know just how loved your really are.

YES !

Today marks the day that I have broken my personal best record! I have now officially lost 101.6 pounds! I wish with all of my heart that I could tell my mom and my kidsister that I have climbed my own Everest. It sort of makes me sad that I was never able to pull my head out of my ass when I was younger. I think it is true what people say about getting older. You do come into your own. I have never been so happy just being me.

I have beauty. The beauty of knowing that whatever I dream can come my way if I work for it. It is possible to teach an old dog new tricks. I work very hard everday to change my bad habits. Anger and the negative emotions have always been my feedingfrenzy motivators. I try to actually deal with the whys of how I am feeling instead of "eat the feelings". It is not always easy to be honest with myself but it has helped me in ways to numerous to list here.