I gave myself permission to succeed. I really believe in self-fulfilling prophecy. If I can dream it I can do it. It is a dangerously sharp two-sided sword; one that can both be uplifting and deadening. It is difficult to strike a harmonious balance. I am trying to fix what I have made a mess from. I walked four days last week and stuck to program. I went to WW this morning and amazingly enough my best efforts were rewarded with a 5.8 lb. weight loss. Yippee for me, yippee for the hard work I put in.
Today begins Week Two in my quest to a better me. This week I want to walk five days and increase my course speed. Well the day calls and I am getting nothing done here waxing poetic. Later ;)
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
This Time It's For Me
Today is the only day you have. Live the moment that comes your way. No room for negativity. Be positive that this day will be your best and then make it so.Today I renew my efforts at reaching goal. Life should never become stagnant. When you have low points in your life it needs to be a time of reassessment not giving up or quitting.
There are things in my personal life that need to change too. On many levels I am unhappy and unfulfilled. I deserve more than I allow myself to have. I always settle for less. Why do we do that to ourselves? I know I can't do that anymore. I don't want to.
I took a rest on my journey. I got lost on the path. I let my old habits lure me away from my efforts to become healthier. Not anymore not this time. This time I get to win. This time I will finish. This time is my time. Watch for posts on my progress. I start a 6 week walk program today. Today's goal 2 miles. On June 12th a group of us from WW are going on a 5k walk. I plan on being there. Life is what you make it. Go make something beautiful. :)
There are things in my personal life that need to change too. On many levels I am unhappy and unfulfilled. I deserve more than I allow myself to have. I always settle for less. Why do we do that to ourselves? I know I can't do that anymore. I don't want to.
I took a rest on my journey. I got lost on the path. I let my old habits lure me away from my efforts to become healthier. Not anymore not this time. This time I get to win. This time I will finish. This time is my time. Watch for posts on my progress. I start a 6 week walk program today. Today's goal 2 miles. On June 12th a group of us from WW are going on a 5k walk. I plan on being there. Life is what you make it. Go make something beautiful. :)
Saturday, March 27, 2010
The Dusting Off Process
As people our capacity to love is unfathomable. Yet to love ourselves unattainable. I expect perfection; when I fall short I am mean to myself. I sabotage myself in a bizarre self fulfilling prophecy. It is a never ending tiresome circle. I need for it to end. I don't know how to behave in tough emotional situations. I don't trust myself enough to shut off the voices in my head and listen to my instincts. Whenever I am torn about something going on in my life I recall that advertising pitch of an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Which one will I listen to this time? Lately I let the mini me in red rule the way.
I started this weight loss journey in March of 2007. I have come so far yet I let the finish line loom in front of me. I am convinced I can't finish, that I don't need to. For a long time I haven't wanted to finish. Taking weight off is the easier part of the puzzle. Finding motivation, keeping the motivation is tough but harder still is the balancing act that is needed to maintain the weight you have lost. I have the tools before me to write my own happy beginning. Never give up on the person you are meant to be. Pick yourself up(one more time), dust yourself off(take stock of the damage you have done) and get back to your journey.
Take time to enjoy your life as it unfolds each day.
I started this weight loss journey in March of 2007. I have come so far yet I let the finish line loom in front of me. I am convinced I can't finish, that I don't need to. For a long time I haven't wanted to finish. Taking weight off is the easier part of the puzzle. Finding motivation, keeping the motivation is tough but harder still is the balancing act that is needed to maintain the weight you have lost. I have the tools before me to write my own happy beginning. Never give up on the person you are meant to be. Pick yourself up(one more time), dust yourself off(take stock of the damage you have done) and get back to your journey.
Take time to enjoy your life as it unfolds each day.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
My Worst Enemy
If you haven't guessed yet...it would be me. I am my own worst enemy. Are you surprised? I shouldn't be surprised and yet I never stop surprising myself. I am a firm believer that there is no one who can lie to me like I can lie to myself. I am very good at reading someone else and calling their bluff; but let me start polishing up my bullshit stone and I will buy my illogic lock, stock and barrel. I am truly amazing.
Now for some truths. I loathe the fact that I don't seem to be able to get along in my life without Weight Watchers. I miss a few meetings before I know it I am stuffing my face. I trick myself into thinking that I can go it alone. I hate the fact I have an addictive personality. My choice of poison; food. I guess in a small way I should be happy that I choose food and not something else like alcohol or drugs. The real damage is caused from the way that I hound myself about being weak. Acceptance is a battle hard fought and often lost.
More truths; I bailed on myself when my weight reached 174 pounds because I was afraid of succeeding. In my head I still think of myself as "fat girl". I allow myself to wallow in self-pity over trivial bullshit using food as punishment. I am an intelligent gal who does not so intelligent things. What does the future hold for me? What do I really want for myself? Am I smart enough to accept the truth about the whys of my overeating? The future is written every minute of everyday until it becomes the past. I only have the power to work in the now. What I really want is a life I can be satisfied with because I do the best I can do at the moment with the tools I have. I know I am smart enough to accept the whys of my indulgences. I need to stop and think before I traverse the wrong path, make the wrong choices. I need to stop thinking of myself as a "fat girl" self-acceptance is the toughest thing for me. I need to work on this aspect of myself everyday.
I know that for myself I feel at my best when I actively participate in my journey. I have said before that I wanted to weigh 165 pounds. I say it again now. It is time for me to pick myself up, dust myself off, dislodge my head from my ass and finish what I started. I am worth it. I deserve to be happy and healthy. Never give up on the person you are meant to be, ever.
Now for some truths. I loathe the fact that I don't seem to be able to get along in my life without Weight Watchers. I miss a few meetings before I know it I am stuffing my face. I trick myself into thinking that I can go it alone. I hate the fact I have an addictive personality. My choice of poison; food. I guess in a small way I should be happy that I choose food and not something else like alcohol or drugs. The real damage is caused from the way that I hound myself about being weak. Acceptance is a battle hard fought and often lost.
More truths; I bailed on myself when my weight reached 174 pounds because I was afraid of succeeding. In my head I still think of myself as "fat girl". I allow myself to wallow in self-pity over trivial bullshit using food as punishment. I am an intelligent gal who does not so intelligent things. What does the future hold for me? What do I really want for myself? Am I smart enough to accept the truth about the whys of my overeating? The future is written every minute of everyday until it becomes the past. I only have the power to work in the now. What I really want is a life I can be satisfied with because I do the best I can do at the moment with the tools I have. I know I am smart enough to accept the whys of my indulgences. I need to stop and think before I traverse the wrong path, make the wrong choices. I need to stop thinking of myself as a "fat girl" self-acceptance is the toughest thing for me. I need to work on this aspect of myself everyday.
I know that for myself I feel at my best when I actively participate in my journey. I have said before that I wanted to weigh 165 pounds. I say it again now. It is time for me to pick myself up, dust myself off, dislodge my head from my ass and finish what I started. I am worth it. I deserve to be happy and healthy. Never give up on the person you are meant to be, ever.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
My First Swim Back
I made it back to the Y. I must admit that I was nervous. It has been a good long while since my last water aerobics class. I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up. After the initial jitters wore off I did OK. It was kind of like an old-fashioned homecoming. The instructor didn't recognize me, some of the ladies didn't either. It felt really wonderful to get back into action, stretch and participate. It was great to feel like I belonged to something bigger than myself. My next class is Thursday. I did It !
Sunday, September 27, 2009
It's Time
I did something for myself today. I joined the local YWCA . I belonged before and I loved going to the aqua-aerobics classes. As the winter progressed that first year I lost momentum, I got plain lazy, I stopped going. I have said before and I am sure I will say again no one can lie to you like you yourself can. I promised myself I would go back and I let myself down. I gave up on myself. It's time to make another turn in the road. One toward the right direction.
Making a life style change is hard work. It is not for the easily deterred. I started this journey not sure of how long I would last or if I would even make that first turn. I stayed the course and managed to lose a lot of weight.I like my life now. There is so much I can do for myself, by myself that I just couldn't before. I have energy. I have ambition. I have a measure of self worth that didn't exist before. I don't want to lose those things. Slowly I have been letting my old way of eating and thinking creep back into my life.
I am good at supplying handy excuses to enable eating shouldn'ts. My life has stress but whose life doesn't? I am not unique in that. I just need to channel the stress into positive energy and not put food in my mouth. Sometimes a person needs to be the change they want to see. You know a little of the if you believe you can make a difference you can.
Making a life style change is hard work. It is not for the easily deterred. I started this journey not sure of how long I would last or if I would even make that first turn. I stayed the course and managed to lose a lot of weight.I like my life now. There is so much I can do for myself, by myself that I just couldn't before. I have energy. I have ambition. I have a measure of self worth that didn't exist before. I don't want to lose those things. Slowly I have been letting my old way of eating and thinking creep back into my life.
I am good at supplying handy excuses to enable eating shouldn'ts. My life has stress but whose life doesn't? I am not unique in that. I just need to channel the stress into positive energy and not put food in my mouth. Sometimes a person needs to be the change they want to see. You know a little of the if you believe you can make a difference you can.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Once Upon a Time...
I used to handle all of my stress real, imaginary and that brought unto me by my own stupidity in the same manner; you guessed it by stuffing my face. It never really matters what it is that gets put into my face as long as it goes in and consumes my extra emotion. It never ceases to amaze me that once in a full blown tumble it is hard almost impossible to stop and right myself before too much damage is done. At this very posting I am trying to get back onto the right mind set and stop myself from falling any further. I am at that critical point where if I am not careful I will put back on a signifigant amount of weight. I have become complacent and arrogant and bored. I know I am capable of achieving what I set out to do I just haven't wanted to go there.
{L-A-Z-Y}
I have to search for creative ways to handle all the stress giving things in and around my world. I deserve so much more than I allow myself to have. I need to get back to putting aside some time everyday for myself. I need to believe I can indeed reach that goal. If truth is to be told [and I am trying to be truthful] I enjoy eating the right foods. I like not feeling guilty about the food I eat and the choices I make. I like feeling like I can do anything, go anywhere. I don't feel like a fatgirl anymore. I can allow myself to win.
{L-A-Z-Y}
I have to search for creative ways to handle all the stress giving things in and around my world. I deserve so much more than I allow myself to have. I need to get back to putting aside some time everyday for myself. I need to believe I can indeed reach that goal. If truth is to be told [and I am trying to be truthful] I enjoy eating the right foods. I like not feeling guilty about the food I eat and the choices I make. I like feeling like I can do anything, go anywhere. I don't feel like a fatgirl anymore. I can allow myself to win.
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