Lately I find myself asking, where has my life gone? not where is my life going but where the hell has it gone to. I am near that crossroad in life. Over the hill. I am not ready to go over. I don't want to get any older. I don't want to have less life in front of me instead of endless days of youth. I wanted to be so much more than what I am. The problem with being Peter Pan is that one foolishly believes in the notion of never growing up. Believe and it is yours, sorry but pure bullshit. Yet somehow I bought it hook, line and sinker.
I have been fighting my "fat" demons since before I was 12 years old. I am tired. I have never been able to keep them at bay for any real length of time. Which leaves me wondering WHY? What is the answer? Is there an answer? I want peace of mind in a cluttered kingdom of distress. I have stopped trying to lose weight. I find myself getting fluffy. I am making seriously flawed decision regarding my health. I am becoming increasingly more and more angry with myself, my hubby, my dad, pick a category.
It is time for me, actually it is way past time for me, to put this to rest. Pick a direction and follow to the end road. I am going to try to do the unthinkable for myself. 225 days of making the right choices for my health. 225 days until I am pushed over the hill, 225 days to a better me. Time to start taking my WW life serious.
1 comment:
So well said. Just remember that "you're worth it."
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