Shrek and I bowl on a summer candelpin league. I used to make this little funny visual about jumping up and down whenever I would land a strike (once) or a spare (a few times). I would stand in place, scrunch down a bit at the waist and then quickly thrust my hands over my head and yell, " Yeah! fat girl jumping!!" all the while never actually lifting off the floor. It dawned on me this Sunday at my WW meeting that I won't be able to make this funny anymore. I have finally made it out of the 200's! I think it is fair to say I fall into a different category now not sexy perhaps but definately not fat girl anymore!
I have not as yet set my goal at WW. When I started my task seemed so improbable. Now I feel confident that I can complete my journey. Once upon a time I had something like 160 pounds to lose, now I have approximately 40 pounds; my task is no easier. In order to keep succeeding I can never stop working on me. Life changes and challenges you every day, so I say BRING IT ON! Never give up on the person you are meant to be.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
The Subject of Tomorrow
It used to be that I couldn't wait for tomorrow. The close of each day meant a new beginning...tomorrow. Tomorrow always brought me hope one more chance to get things right; my diet, my checkbook, my love life. I used to take tomorrow for granted. It will always be there, tomorrow. How could I have been so wrong?
All of my tomorrows changed May 15, 2004 with the passing of my kid sister. We had been through hell and back, her and I. Survivors, best friends, and sisters. We lived our lives in the best way we knew how. Thinking back there were days, memories now, we tried like hell to hold on to…that first kiss from a boy, Christmas mornings, birthdays…now only my secrets, my lies, and my truths remain. We can’t share “remember when” anymore. I wait for tomorrow uncertain of what awaits. Gone is that level of nervous excitement, replaced with the knowledge that all of my tomorrows are mirrored repeats of the days gone by since she passed.
How does a lifetime disappear in the flash of a moment? What were her last thoughts? Questions that can never be answered haunt me. We had just spoken at 5:40 p.m. the night before, how could she be dead? It just couldn’t be true. I awaken. It is still dark enough in my room that for a moment I am not sure I am alone. In my haze I call out, “Breny?” There will be no answer and that makes me sad. My pillow is wet from the tears I shed in my sleep. Quietly I slip out of bed and make my way into the darkness of the living room. Another night I don’t sleep. Sadness, tears, and memories keep me from sleeping.
She arrived February 6, 1967, and I was sure she belonged to me. How wonderful of my parents to have brought me a kid sister to play with! I don’t think I can remember a time when she wasn’t with me. I was the big sister. I took my job seriously. I taught her to read and write before she was in kindergarten. I protected her from school bullies. I taught her to ride a bike, climb trees, bake a cake, and play jacks.
She was the Ying to my Yang. We helped each other to survive childhood. We were more than sisters; we were friends. Breny used to say, “sisters by birth, friends by choice.” I often find myself wondering if she knows how much I miss her. I plod along, I try to find my way without her, and often I am afraid. My life will never be the same.
Tomorrow is her birthday...
All of my tomorrows changed May 15, 2004 with the passing of my kid sister. We had been through hell and back, her and I. Survivors, best friends, and sisters. We lived our lives in the best way we knew how. Thinking back there were days, memories now, we tried like hell to hold on to…that first kiss from a boy, Christmas mornings, birthdays…now only my secrets, my lies, and my truths remain. We can’t share “remember when” anymore. I wait for tomorrow uncertain of what awaits. Gone is that level of nervous excitement, replaced with the knowledge that all of my tomorrows are mirrored repeats of the days gone by since she passed.
How does a lifetime disappear in the flash of a moment? What were her last thoughts? Questions that can never be answered haunt me. We had just spoken at 5:40 p.m. the night before, how could she be dead? It just couldn’t be true. I awaken. It is still dark enough in my room that for a moment I am not sure I am alone. In my haze I call out, “Breny?” There will be no answer and that makes me sad. My pillow is wet from the tears I shed in my sleep. Quietly I slip out of bed and make my way into the darkness of the living room. Another night I don’t sleep. Sadness, tears, and memories keep me from sleeping.
She arrived February 6, 1967, and I was sure she belonged to me. How wonderful of my parents to have brought me a kid sister to play with! I don’t think I can remember a time when she wasn’t with me. I was the big sister. I took my job seriously. I taught her to read and write before she was in kindergarten. I protected her from school bullies. I taught her to ride a bike, climb trees, bake a cake, and play jacks.
She was the Ying to my Yang. We helped each other to survive childhood. We were more than sisters; we were friends. Breny used to say, “sisters by birth, friends by choice.” I often find myself wondering if she knows how much I miss her. I plod along, I try to find my way without her, and often I am afraid. My life will never be the same.
Tomorrow is her birthday...
A Woman's Angst
Okay Clothing Gods what gives? Has it escaped your tiny little fashionista brains that the sizes you throw at woman are at best difficult to understand let alone navigate? Example; if you pick up a pair of mens jeans off the rack the label might read w33 L 30. This means that the waist is 33 inches and the inseam is 30 inches. A perfect fit if this happens to be your size. A womans size 30/32 means she is a qualified Larger Marge (at the end of size availibility) and there are no inches involved because clothing of this size usually just drapes the wearer.I used to wear this size so I know what I am talking about. I would lie about what I was wearing because I didn't want anyone to know just how much my girth had grown. Why is there no uniformitty for womens sizes? I am currently in 3 or 4 different sizes yet when you hold them up to each other they are all about the same so why...I mean I like mens jeans but I should be able to buy my own size in girl clothes right off the rack and not have to spend half of my Saturday off from work trying on every flipping pair in the store to find the ONE that will fit just the way I want!
People wonder why women/girls have such a hard time with body image.
People wonder why women/girls have such a hard time with body image.
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