Where To Go From Here

I don't know if I have shared my goal but it never hurts to say it out loud a few times. I think that helps me to own and embrace the number I have chosen; 165. It adds up to my favorite number...twelve. I am not exactly sure how I arrived at this number but I like it. It is ten pounds higher than where the WW peeps want me to be but this isn't really about what they want is it?

I have found in this journey that it worked better for me to set small "work on this for now kind of "goals than to set my goal at 165. I was starting at 319.6 pounds. The worst thing a person can do to themselves is set their mind into thinking about how far they have to go instead of how far they have already come. My mom used to tell me all the time that a journey only truly begins after that first step. It took me a long time to be ready for that first step.

The concept of me being inspiration for others is mind boggling but this is the way I look at it. If just one person reads my blog and my thoughts and feelings helps that one person to hung on one more day, one more meal,one more choice...it is more than worth it. I never spent much time dwelling on reaching goal. My plan lose 10% at a time. I have no more 10% losses left to attain. Only my goal awaits me now. As of this posting I have lost 137 pounds. 17.6 pounds is all that is left for me to conquer.

Never think that what you do can't make a difference. Every momemt, every experience has made me the person I am. I have accepted my short comings and I like me. Never give up on the person you are meant to be.

Oh you may be wondering where I plan on going from here. My short answer...out into my world to enjoy my life, my new confidence, to do whatever I can because I can.

Janie...

This post is a shout out for my WW leader. Her name is Janie. She is a small slip of a woman but can she pack a punch. I joined WW last March while Janie was doing duty as receptionist. Sometime last summer she took over as leader so the current leader could have Sundays off. I have to admit at first I was very hesitant about Janie's ability to take over. Not because of anything she lacked but because of my expectations as to what a leader is supposed to be.

I am happy to tell you that I was wrong. Janie is a great leader. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her people and her subject. She really wants you to succeed. Her lectures have been in my experience enlightening, informative and well just plain fun. She isn't afraid to play dress up or talk about tough subjects. She is always willing to stay after and chat about whatever it is that may be stunting your efforts at weight loss. She offers of herself and to me that is the most important of leader traits. She is involved so you can evolve.

Janie will be leaving as my leader sometime in June for bigger and better things in her life. I will miss you Janie. All my best wishes for you and yours...

Tough Choices

Sometimes life becomes too much of a routine. People do the same things day in and day out. They meet the same people, eat the same lunch as the day before, wear the same outfits...over and over like a bad movie. I have to say that sometimes I feel like Bill Murray in "Groundhog Day" almost like whatever I do just doesn't make a difference that I am stuck in the same groove of routine from the previous day.

I have been in the same job for 26 years...ZOWIE. I feel boxed in like there is nothing more for me to learn or enjoy at my job. The time is drawing near for me to unfurl my wings and see if I can fly. Some time back I went to school. I made the Presidents List. I graduated a year ago. I didn't look for a job in my field because of family commitments. Readers of this blog will know all about what I am referring to. For those of you who may have just stumbled across this blog, let me explain. Last year my mom passed away the week before I graduated from school. My dad was ill with some sort of illness related to his arthritis and I didn't get to put my resume out and about town because I am all my dad has. He has always stood by me in life and I just couldn't let him down.

Now what ? I have never been in so much distress over what I should do. I need to look for a new job not because I have to but because I need to. The people I work with are to accustomed to who they think I am. I don't know if any of you in blogland can understand how agonizing it is to be smarter than your job. I want to be that new girl at work. I want to feel nervous excitement again. The thrill of a mental challenge. I never believed in my abilities before. I am intelligent. I have value. I can contribute in ways yet untapped.

Weight loss has given me the faith in myself I once lost and so much more. My weight loss journey is coming to a close but I feel my life journey is about to turn in a different direction. I just have to take the chance. Believe,just believe. I know there is so much more out there for me to discover, to do, to be.

For My Mom

This post is for my mom.

Mother's Day is fast approaching and yup, I miss you. Since you passed Dad and I have learned to lean on each other. He really is a great guy. You chose well. Please know that he is well and I am doing my best to keep him healthy and happy. He misses you.

Casey girl misses you too. She starts barking at me as soon as my car pulls into the drive. She follows me around the house and hounds me for lovies. Casey's last birdie died shortly after you did. We went to the local pet shop and bought her two new parakeets. Dad and I named them Pops and Junie. Casey watches over them like they were her babies. I know you would just laugh to she her carry on with them.

I have stayed on my weight loss program just like I promised you I would. It hasn't always been easy but it has changed me in ways I cannot tell you. I am almost at goal. You would be so happy. This sure wasn't the way I envisioned wishing you a Happy Mother's Day. My truest wish for you is that wherever your soul flies you are happy, healthy, free and unfettered. 'Til we see each other again...love you.

Odd But True

I used to joke that I would give almost anything to be a happy medium. Odd but true I am a medium in most things I chose to wear that have that sort of size formula in place. If I could only learn to be happy. Perhaps it is not myself that needs to be happy and at peace it is those around me. Today once again someone I know only on the smallest of levels told me to stop dieting and actually asked me if I am ill !?! I have been trying to learn how to say thank you to people who say nice things to me about my efforts but I have to admit I had no idea what to say to this woman.

People say the weirdest stuff to me about what I am doing. Sometimes I really have to bite my tongue and just smile because really there is no response to accurately match the thoughts that storm my soul. I wish people could just relax around me. While I am on the subject why do people have the hardest time with the fact that I have changed? I am indeed different in many ways, yet I AM THE SAME. I still laugh at the same stupid things I laughed at before, I still hate the same things I disliked about life before. The thing that has changed is I have finally figured out that I don't have to accept less for myself than what I want or deserve. What's changed is I have finally learned what I am worth to the one that it matters most to...me.

Great things await discovery.