It has taken me nearly all of my adult life to realize that holidays are not about THE FOOD. It is about the people in your life or the absence of those people. I used to gorge myself on the morsels of holiday fare foolishly thinking I would stumble across the "right" combination and I would feel satisfied, full. The happiness I have so long sought, I have always had. I just never realized it before. I mistakenly linked happiness of self with the food it is so often coupled with.
I remember my family life in those holiday foods. How loved I felt, how accepted and wanted I truly was. Sometimes in the process of growing up we forget the things we know about ourselves.
The holidays should be a time of catching up on lives, connecting with a loved one you haven't seen since the last high holidays, enjoying the people in your life even if they tend to get on your last nerve.
This year I am without my mother, sadly she passed away this summer. This year feels strange almost non-holiday like. My older sister has arrived from upstate NY and will be with dad and I but it's just not the same anymore...
Don't forget to tell them that you love them while they can still hear you. Get that hug before you leave. Make a memory to span the ages. Love them for who they are not what you want them to be...enjoy the moments they give you.
I wish you all the happiness of the holidays. May you know just how loved your really are.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
YES !
Today marks the day that I have broken my personal best record! I have now officially lost 101.6 pounds! I wish with all of my heart that I could tell my mom and my kidsister that I have climbed my own Everest. It sort of makes me sad that I was never able to pull my head out of my ass when I was younger. I think it is true what people say about getting older. You do come into your own. I have never been so happy just being me.
I have beauty. The beauty of knowing that whatever I dream can come my way if I work for it. It is possible to teach an old dog new tricks. I work very hard everday to change my bad habits. Anger and the negative emotions have always been my feedingfrenzy motivators. I try to actually deal with the whys of how I am feeling instead of "eat the feelings". It is not always easy to be honest with myself but it has helped me in ways to numerous to list here.
I have beauty. The beauty of knowing that whatever I dream can come my way if I work for it. It is possible to teach an old dog new tricks. I work very hard everday to change my bad habits. Anger and the negative emotions have always been my feedingfrenzy motivators. I try to actually deal with the whys of how I am feeling instead of "eat the feelings". It is not always easy to be honest with myself but it has helped me in ways to numerous to list here.
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