The Lightness of Being

I know strange title,eh?


Every year Shrek and I have time off from work the week of Christmas. We don't do much except catch up on sleep and be married people, if you catch my drift. I think it is the best vacation we take together all year. This year I told Shrek that I wanted to take a week off from WW and the whole being good for a better me. When you go to WW they give you a free pass that you can use any time you need a break from the scale. I had my plan in place...


Starting with Christmas eve I was going to eat whatever I wanted when I wanted and as much of it as I wanted. When weigh-in loomed I would present my coupon for a free ride.The plan was to rejoin program completely guilt free and continue on my merry way to goal. Funny thing happened though. Christmas eve Shrek and I ventured out and secured our meals. In truth I ate everything I ordered just as planned. I hardly slept. I was so crappin' thirsty. My head hurt, my tummy hurt and I felt like I was in a fog. Weird, right?

We were up early for Christmas Day. I ate my regular WW breakfast. After coffee I went to pick up my dad. We, meaning Shrek and I and Dad, had a date with Shrek's mommy for dinner. We had a lovely meal of scalloped potatoes, peas, carrots, corn, ham and for dessert Jubilee Roll from Friendly's. All went well and the food was plentiful and filling. I must confess I ate a few things I shouldn't have but it was a holiday.

Our whole holiday was wrapped up before 5 pm. On our way home from my dad's place I told Shrek that I just didn't have the chops to eat all that crap food anymore. I didn't last a whole week at eating whatever I want, when I want, for as long as I want and I couldn't be happier.

I forgot just how bogged down overeating made me feel. My 28 hour excursion made me realize how much better off I am. I feel so energetic and happy when I eat what I am supposed to. I have been back on my WW program since Christmas night. I look forward to whatever comes next. I know my days as a Large Marge are numbered.

Merry Christmas ?

Funny as I sit here in my livingroom I can't belive that it will be Christmas in just two days. I went out yesterday with my dad. I started and finished my holiday shopping. Not something I would recommend by the way. All of the people in my life are at the stage of age where giftcards go so much farther than some silly gift. It is sad really. I like to know my gift receivers well enough that I can purchase them a cool, nobody else thought about that item. I enjoy being the "cool" gift giver.


I went to WW this morning. I am down 3.8 pounds this week for a grand total of 111.6 pounds. Today we talked about reflecting. How have we changed from this time last year. What have we learned about ourselves on this journey. What do we want for the future. All very good questions I think.


This time last year I weighed 325 pounds and I felt like my heart was going to explode,literally. I was depressed and often I felt hopeless. It is the truth. Human we all are. This Christmas I weigh 208 pounds. I have learned so much about myself. It is okay not to have the answer and ask for help. It is good to have friends that love and support you. I learned that I am truly lucky to have found Shrek and that he continues to love and support me come what may. I have learned that I am a force. I can lose weight,especially when I believe in me. I have learned that I enjoy exercise.


I have renewed faith in myself and hope for a bright future. I now feel confidence in myself and I am planning a vacation. One in which I will have to walk around to see the sites! I know I will make goal, someday.


I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a bright, hope filled New Year.

The Outskirts of Town

No doubt if you have been reading this blog or my other blog you have heard me mention "The Land Of Normal Sizes". I am at the gate just at the outskirts of town. Any time now the drawbridge will lower and the gate keeper will throw open the doors and welcome me in.

My quest has been long and dirty and fraught with danger. On more than a few occasions the road has become difficult and thoughts of abandoning my best efforts have plagued me. I think I now know how the lonely marathon runner feels at mile twenty-three way after everyone else has finished the race and even the TV guys have closed up shop. Where is that finish line? What was I thinking? How do I keep going? The answers come to me if I just reach for them. Stay the course. You can't get to town if you stop moving. Keep your goals in mind...food for your soul.

I am just an ordinary girl who had an extraordinary amount of weight to lose. I have no answers, really. I just know that I have no interest in returning to the "Land of Can't Move Out of My Own Way".

I am very fortunate. I have a WW buddy, Jadi. I would not have made it this far without her. Most every Sunday I drive from my house to shake my friend free from her abode, which is crowded with four wee-sized people and her boyfriend. I look forward to the hour-and-a-half we spend together. It is our time to slip away from the things that haunt us. The problems we can't resolve. We get coffee, we gossip, we laugh, we focus on ourselves for that glorious time.

The Holidays

It has taken me nearly all of my adult life to realize that holidays are not about THE FOOD. It is about the people in your life or the absence of those people. I used to gorge myself on the morsels of holiday fare foolishly thinking I would stumble across the "right" combination and I would feel satisfied, full. The happiness I have so long sought, I have always had. I just never realized it before. I mistakenly linked happiness of self with the food it is so often coupled with.

I remember my family life in those holiday foods. How loved I felt, how accepted and wanted I truly was. Sometimes in the process of growing up we forget the things we know about ourselves.

The holidays should be a time of catching up on lives, connecting with a loved one you haven't seen since the last high holidays, enjoying the people in your life even if they tend to get on your last nerve.

This year I am without my mother, sadly she passed away this summer. This year feels strange almost non-holiday like. My older sister has arrived from upstate NY and will be with dad and I but it's just not the same anymore...

Don't forget to tell them that you love them while they can still hear you. Get that hug before you leave. Make a memory to span the ages. Love them for who they are not what you want them to be...enjoy the moments they give you.

I wish you all the happiness of the holidays. May you know just how loved your really are.

YES !

Today marks the day that I have broken my personal best record! I have now officially lost 101.6 pounds! I wish with all of my heart that I could tell my mom and my kidsister that I have climbed my own Everest. It sort of makes me sad that I was never able to pull my head out of my ass when I was younger. I think it is true what people say about getting older. You do come into your own. I have never been so happy just being me.

I have beauty. The beauty of knowing that whatever I dream can come my way if I work for it. It is possible to teach an old dog new tricks. I work very hard everday to change my bad habits. Anger and the negative emotions have always been my feedingfrenzy motivators. I try to actually deal with the whys of how I am feeling instead of "eat the feelings". It is not always easy to be honest with myself but it has helped me in ways to numerous to list here.

Not As I Appear

I had a less than stellar day today. Not because I fell off the wagon and rolled down a hill and under some bushes, sorry but I stayed on track. I just woke up in a seriously vile mood. As I type this I have now lost 93.6 pounds. I have busted my hump to get here. I try everyday to start anew and to deal with my anger issues as they arise. I try to stay focused and positive and to THINK before I eat.

Sometimes I just want the ride to stop. My life is on a weird path at the moment. My mom recently passed away. My dad is in good health with a bad memory. My hubby is his usual self; I am different. I am changing. I don't know this newbie. I do not feel comfortable with the thoughts and feelings I am having now. I have spent the better part of my younger days as a Large Marge. I never worried about how nice clothing could be. I only ever worried about what it could hide, camouflage, or just about cover up.

Thoughts and feelings come rushing at me with such speed that my head spins. Do these pants match the shirt I want to wear? Do I have nice shoes? I sound more like my kid sister than I do myself. I should probably tell you that my kid sister passed away some three years ago in a car accident. Where ever her spirit rests she must be beside herself with joy over my new found girlie ways.

The new version of me has found nice clothes. I like to look nice. I want people to notice me in a good way, not a "damn is she fat" way. Very not me. I have lived my life being noticed because of my wit and smarts. Who is this alien woman I find living in my thoughts?

I have a new found confidence about my appearance. Something I've never had before. I am not sure how to handle myself. I find this new aspect both thrilling and scary. I am ever so nearer to "normal" sizes. When I started this trek I wore the huge end of the scale 26-30 +. Don't get me wrong those size ranges have a lot more color and style than they would have had in the 60's but I still looked like a furniture throw in most things.
I will not miss what they had to offer. I now buy jeans without an elastic waist. Something I haven't been able to do since I was a teenager. F'n Yippee!

Whatcha doin'?

This crazy is my cat Pepper she is very curious and thinks that the blinking cursor is her toy. She was very interested in my ramblings yesterday and kept jumping on the coffee table for a closer look.

Joining the YWCA

During my vacation earlier this month I joined the local chapter of the YWCA with Mrs. C , a friend from work. I felt that at this point in my journey it was time to spend some excess energy on something beneficial and fun. Since I don't have alot of extra cash I decided on a gym membership and not a trip to Macy's. I am now one of "those people", you know who I am talking about, the one person you know who enjoys going to the gym that actually works out. What has happened to me?



I find that I am becoming a different version of "the same ole" me. I look forward to going to the gym. At this juncture I only participate in water aerobics. Mrs. C brought a swim pass to work one day. The first class I took was through the courtesy of the Y. I think that Mrs. C was sure that I was all talk and no action. It took me almost two weeks to find my vintage swimsuits. I found two, both of which are from more than a few years ago and I was afraid that they would come apart at the first taste of water. I think I shocked the cheese out of Mrs. C the day I went to work and told her that I had indeed found my suits and that I was ready and rarin' to go.



Never be afraid to try something new. With that very thought coursing through my mind I drove to the Y that first night not knowing what to expect. Mrs. C walked me in and showed me around the locker room and introduced me to a couple of pool mates. After a quick shower and a change into my suit she showed me to the pool. Childhood memories of a near drowning(mine) came flooding into my thoughts, my stomach began to knot up. "You wanted to do this, so get over yourself and get in the flippin' pool!" We are always so kind to ourselves aren't we?

There were roughly 8 to 10 women of various sizes and ages in the water, warming up. "I can do this...it doesn't look so tough." Well they call it warm up for a reason. After about five minutes the real fun began. Bunny hops across the pool, football kicks, a move called cross-country ski. I learned something about myself; I can do water aerobics but you better be able to bring it because they don't fool around in class and they keep right on moving even if you can't.

I have a new found respect for Mrs. C.

[Fiona] Hey Hey

Once upon a time there lived...okay okay no fairy tale just me...Fiona without Shrek. I made a post at my other blog about being a Large Marge. It won me attention I wasn't looking for. I have to admit that it sort of threw me but life is an odd journey. After a great deal of thought I have decided to chronicle my triumphs and tragedies along the way to the "Land of Normal Sizes."