Expectations...so hard to live up to, so hard to live with. Why do we tend to be hardest on ourselves? The person I see in the mirror is me and yet I expect to find someone else. Someone who has all of their shit together. I am disappointed. I have fallen out of love with my meeting and my leader. It takes a mental exercise to get myself to show up and participate. I feel like a change of meeting and leader might help a little.I don't know what I want to do. I have come so far and only have a short jump to the "finish line". This race is never over unless I give up and stop trying to run the race. I am trying to pick my ass up off the curb and drag my bones over to the finish line of one kind of race so I can move onto the start line for the next race.
I find myself thinking, "can I do this? do I want to keep doing this? why do I want to continue doing this?" I struggle more now that I am closer to goal than when I had 160 pounds to lose. Somehow I have lost faith in myself. I feel like a phony because I haven't been putting my best foot forward since August of 2008. My attitude needs to change. I need to change it. I know that I am the key to my success and no one (but me) can do what I NEED to do for me to be a success. I refuse to give up on myself, absolutely refuse.
I will make it to goal. I will make it to goal. I will make it to goal!
