Reconciliation

Today I went dress shopping. Friends of ours are getting married July 4th. I thought that the chances of it being hot on that day might make a dress a good choice. Yeah....wrong. I went to Kohl's, Lane Bryant, Burlington Coat. While I am on the subject of shopping I got the look today. That look that heavy girls shoot out at women they believe shouldn't be in stores for "fat girls". I wasn't sure it was aimed at me until the second time it was sent my way followed by a digusted,"tsk,tsk,tsk." Odd for me to be on the other side of that fence.


I still have not reconciled myself to the fact that I do not like the way my body looks. I am disapponted. I am not heavy anymore. I exercise and yet my body is not pretty. I hate to look at myself without clothes. I hate trying to buy clothes that hide the empty skin that hangs. Mind you I don't have layers and layers of skin to camouflage but for real it makes me sad to look at the way I have left my vessel of beauty.


Deep under the layers of my fat lived a girlie girl. I wanted to move past the image I had of myself and embrace the true me; the beautiful one. Self-acceptance it seems is the longest journey of all.