Forgive, move on

I did something this past week that I was sure I would never be able to do...I forgave someone who hurt me to my core. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I wanted to hang onto this hatred. Real bright idea, right? I am sure you know, my anger and resentment sat on my soul like an elephant in high heels. I lied to myself about how comfortable I was with this elephant stepping all over my soul. It is always easier to believe a lie you tell yourself, if you just repeat the lie enough. I was doing fine...but it was starting to keep me up at night. I would toss and turn as that damned elephant's heels would poke me in the ribs or jab me in the head or maybe that is why my butt hurts me. It is not from weight loss but from that stupid pachyderm.

I like to think that my parents did a decent job raising me. I am a good person. I have been through a lot in my life (and really who hasn't?). Listen, if life didn't throw rocks at you you wouldn't learn to catch or field. I made a promise to myself that I would actively work on the issues that fueled my need to feed. I feel that to date I have been doing a fairly decent job of it. I want to continue on my journey without unnecessary burdens. I needed to make peace with this issue and the person who I was angry with before I found myself using food to cope with the stress.


Never forget that when you say something or you do something to someone the incident may become muted with time and the words may lose their power but how you made that person feel never goes away. A paraphrase from Maya Angelou...thank you Miss Angelou. I needed to find a place within myself to forget how small and damaged this person made me feel. It is amazing how in the span of a few words a person can either build you up or shred you. I hung onto my anger in the hope that someday I could return "the favor" and make this same person feel as small and as damaged as she had made me feel. Funny but it seems that life did that for me.


Never for a moment assume that you know someone else's pain because you don't.


I am handling the situation in the best way I can. I sort of spoke my piece to this person and as of now we are at peace. Only time will lead this story to its ultimate conclusion whatever that may be. Learn by example. Forgive, move on...that's what my mom would have done. I am learning.